Therapy for Christians questioning gender or sexuality & mixed-orientation couples.
Online from Youngstown, OH, & across PsyPact states.
When you want to maintain a relationship with your faith—
but your sexual or gender identity questions won’t go away
You didn’t expect questions about gender or attraction to shake your faith—
but here you are
You may feel trapped between honesty and preservation—afraid that telling the truth could unravel your faith, your marriage, or your family stability. You may fear being pushed toward identities or medical decisions that don’t feel aligned with your values. Maybe you feel ashamed, isolated, and uncertain whether faithfulness means denial, disclosure, or something you haven’t been taught how to imagine yet. You may be…
Or you may be the partner in a mixed-orientation marriage (one in which at least one partner is not heterosexual) reeling from a disclosure you never expected. You may be…
Both of you are trying to move forward without betraying yourselves, each other, or God.
A thoughtful, values-guided approach to sexual and gender identity questions
Hi. I’m Dr. Heather Poma, and my role as a therapist with sexual minorities (people who are not exclusively attracted to the same-sex) is to walk alongside you on a path toward greater self-understanding and examination. I don’t push clients toward a particular identity, relationship structure, or course of action. Instead, we look carefully at the available research, potential risks, and likely outcomes—so you can make informed decisions that align with your faith, integrity, and relationships. My role is to walk alongside you as you explore honestly, not to lead you toward a predetermined destination. Our goal is for you to find relief from the feelings of shame, guilt, and tension between your faith and lived experience. Rather than feeling like a hypocrite or an outcast, you can gain clarity, confidence, and a sense of peace that allows you to live more authentically and intentionally.
I work from a values-guided, non-directive approach. That means we take time to accurately understand your experiences, explore the language that fits you best, and clarify the values that matter most to you. Therapy can be a safe, private place where you’re free to discuss those concerns, without worrying about how the questions themselves will impact the people closest to you. We’ll examine together all the facets of your life that influence your gender and sexual identity, including your physical and sexual development, health issues, relationships with parents, past sexual experiences, previous romantic relationships, cultural pressure, and your church’s teachings on sexuality. We’ll look at how being a sexual minority (someone who doesn’t exclusively identify as heterosexual) fits into the other identities you have, such as Christian, husband, father, partner, executive, or pastor.
Throughout this process, you’ll set the pace and we’ll investigate the influences you’ve experienced and the values you hold. We’ll particularly examine the tensions between an upbringing that taught a traditional Judeo-Christian sexual ethic and your lived experiences, attractions, and longings. Therapy can help you develop a more honest and integrated understanding of yourself. You can find language that accurately describes your experience—and eventually learn how to share it with the people in your life who are impacted, at a pace that feels responsible and wise.
For some clients, these questions don’t just affect the individual—they impact a marriage. In therapy with mixed-orientation couples, I’ll honor both partners’ experiences and focus on honesty, care, and thoughtful next steps, neither rushing toward predetermined outcomes or staying frozen in indecision. I’ll encourage you both to be honest, but I will also provide guardrails to ensure that discussions stay productive rather than creating more conflict or shame. I will explicitly address trust issues, whether disclosure came as a result of a same-sex affair or whether a secret desire to dress in your spouse’s clothing was finally discussed for the first time.
You’ll decide, together, what your marriage should look like as you move forward.
Therapy for sexual or gender identity concerns can help you:
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Why do you use the term sexual and gender minority?
A: Throughout this page, I often use the terms sexual and gender identity instead of more common terms like LGBTQ. When I use these terms, this is what I mean: I choose to use the term gender minority because I find it more accurately describes people who are questioning whether they feel aligned with their natal sex, without foreclosing on a particular identity. It expresses gender dysphoria (or the depressed mood and mental health concerns that are triggered by feeling that one’s bodily sex does not match one’s internal experience of gender) without proscribing a particular outcome (either sexual orientation change efforts or hormone treatments and surgeries to align one’s biology with one’s internal experience of gender). I choose to use the term sexual minority, which means someone who experiences some same-sex attraction. To go a step further, describing orientation, this might include exclusive same-sex attraction (a homosexual orientation) or non-exclusively (still primarily heterosexually oriented or identifying as bisexual), or other more rare sexual identities (those that don’t feel sexual at all or feel like their sexual identity is fluid). Queer/LGBTQIA2S+ is often often used in political or advocacy-based contexts and refers to members of a group that actively support either non-heterosexual persons or people who are not cisgender (or do not feel that they are the same gender as their natal sex) against other groups that might discriminate against them. I generally use this term only when I’m referencing the perspective of outside observers. It explicitly includes Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, and Two-Spirit.
Q: What if I don’t want a label for my sexuality and gender? Do I have to decide on an identity to start therapy?
A: You don’t have to use any labels, when starting therapy or at the end of therapy. Some clients want clarity around labels; others don’t. This is your therapy, so it should align with your goals and desires.
Q: Can Christians even be sexual or gender minorities?
A: My role isn’t to answer this for you, but to help you discern it honestly. There are Christians who exist in all these identities. Some refer to themselves as gay Christians, centering their Christian identity but acknowledging their attractions. Others refer to themselves as Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction. Still others grew up with a traditional Judeo-Christian sexual ethic and decide they must change churches to honor their faith experience and GLBT identity. As part of therapy, we’ll discuss language choices and their meaning and practice using the language that feels more descriptive of your experience. You will choose what feels accurate and honest in describing your life and faith.
Q: I’m attracted to the same sex. Can I still be a faithful Christian?
A: Many of my clients have this question. Therapy with me often seeks to help you answer that question for yourself, defining what it means for you to be faithful and reviewing the church’s teachings, testing them for yourself and comparing scriptural dictates with your experiences and church culture. Many of my clients have found peace between their faith and their attractions and gender questions.
Q: What are mixed-orientation couples?
A: Mixed orientation couples are couples in which at least one partner is not exclusively heterosexual (that is, at least one partner is a sexual minority). This can often lead to unique challenges! Few couples enter marriage understanding that there are mixed-orientations; disclosure of this truth is often difficult for the heterosexual partner while bringing relief to the sexual minority partner. This is often what initially brings such couples into therapy.
Q: Can therapy help mixed-orientation couples stay married?
A: My goals are to help you have honest conversations about your relationship, in which you can both speak to your pain, desires, and hopes for the future. Partners in MOCs are often encouraged by those outside of their marriage to leave, but for those who desire to remain in a marriage, I can offer support and honest discussions to determine a way forward that makes sense to both partners.
Q: I’m in a mixed-orientation marriage and we’re seeking to have a more open relationship to explore those impulses. Can you help us with that?
A: My approach to therapy is really about seeking to understand and agree on a way forward together. If you’ve already decided on this way forward together, a therapist with expertise in non-monogamous couples would be a better fit for you.
Q: Are you going to tell me that I need to take hormones and have surgery to resolve my gender dysphoria?
A: I don’t prescribe any outcomes for my clients. When clients are considering or questioning these options, we talk carefully through available research, potential benefits, risks, and long-term considerations so they can make informed decisions that align with their values.